When you find yourself hopeless
I have life lesson stories that I have felt I should finally open up and share. It has taken me a long time to decide where to start. I only want to share what is necessary to help those out there reading this and you feel alone in your suffering. Just know that the dark days of hopelessness ended up building my character into a very strong woman that has found her voice and trusts her intuition no matter what, AND SO CAN YOU!
I am going to write as I am inspired each day what needs to be shared, so it will not be a timeline of my life.
Today I want to share a lesson I learned after being in a sociopathic relationship. My focus is not going to be on what I went through, he does not deserve that kind of energy from me. What I am going to focus on is how I understand all that comes with getting out of a relationship like this and what it takes to get your mental stability back and confidence.
If you would like to know more about what a person goes through in one of these relationships and how they feel they have lost their soul, self respect and the trust in ever recovering then, you can google search it or go to Pinterest and search gaslighting, love bombing, smear campaign,bread-crumbing, flying monkeys, pink cloud, and narcissistic abuse. This may actually be happening to you and you need to know there is a way out and full recovery in your future.
I had been out of the relationship for 2 months before I had something pop up on my phone and I read the long list of what that type of person is and he had done everything on that list. A lightbulb moment for me because I had remembered that he had told me about 10 days before I escaped that he had been diagnosed with it.
How did I get out? This was the closest I feel I have ever been to being killed. I lived and breathed in fear and at this time I turned inwards and prayed for answers. I have had several times in my life that I felt guided, so I knew how to listen and nothing short of miraculous guidance happened the week I got out. I had text messages and things pop up on my phone that were not a coincidence as to what my next step should be.
Through all of this, I reached out to a few close friends to help me out.
I think it is important to note that you are not going to need a support system because you are so broken down. You also have to have a complete resolution that you will not talk to this person again. All channels of communication are broken off. They will go to all different levels of desperate extremes to get you to react. You take back your power by not giving them any more of your life. Will they try to find you? YES! Will they try to email or call you from phantom lines or new email addresses? YES! Do not read or listen to those messages. They will only manipulate you back into their lives or hurt you emotionally. When it is all fresh and new you are so beaten down, paranoid and your self worth is almost a zero. But if you will surround yourself with great people that help you feel safe and protected and cut off all ties then you have just begun the healing process.
I had my car broken into with, $5000 of car damage from being run into on another day, attached in the gym, my back door lock broke off, and 9 nails put in my tires just to name a few and I held strong. They will move on to another person, sadly, I wish we all could speak out and say hey let me warn you.... but when I say break ties, BREAK ALL TIES! They are known to have more than one person they are doing this to at a time ...so like a wise person told me once, 'he may taunt you for years, you can't control that. So focus on what you can control'.
I even had to stop going to places he would find me and speaking to mutual friends bringing him up and what he was saying. They know how to try to take your reputation and drag your name in the mud. But it is so important to not react. Just keep your focus on finding your happy self confident self back.
This is really what I want to talk about. It took me 2 months to start to feel like I was going to be okay. During this time period, I learned ways to stop the constant mind chattering of conversations he and I had had and my mind assuming the worst-case scenario was about to happen. My anxiety had to stop because it had been activated for months and now my heart was starting to really hurt.
You know this happened not too long ago in my life and nobody even knew I was suffering. I think a person gets so beaten down mentally that they do not see any way out and I was honestly so embarrassed that I had gotten myself into this abusive relationship. I thought I was so smart and could just walk away from anything causing me pain. But when your life is threatened there is a whole new mind game going on. Many I know like I start to get their confidence back and leave only to be manipulated back to be in the relationship.
So back to the first lesson I learned to help me stop the mind chattering. It takes a physical touch to your forehead. Every time you have a thought that creates the anxiety or depressed emotion in your body you tap your left forehead with your pointer finger and say out loud or in your mind, "Stop! Switch!" - Then tap your right side of your forehead and say something that you are grateful for or love in that old thought patterns place. This simple action has been proven to rewire your thought patterns in your mind that are on autopilot also known as your subconscious way of thinking. I am telling you the first two days I thought I was going to have a bruise on my forehead and it made me realize how often my mind was floating there. But I can tell you that this was like a miracle happening. By day three there was a change being felt and happening within my mind. BOOM I was beginning to believe I was going to be okay.
To this day if I find my mind thinking a certain way that is creating suffering I automatically have my mind turn to this and I do not have to physically tap my forehead to have it be effective and see positive change. I know this has helped may I have told about it and just know that when in public you do not have to tap your head physically it can be all mental. It still works amazingly.
I will be posting many more ideas about how to get your mind calm and in a better place. My prayer is that those needing help as I did will be able to find this information and have it impact their lives in a beautiful way!